you're like a bully in the Christmas story
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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