I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
His hands were made for my vagina.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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