before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
