i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
