You're so nebulous sometimes
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
