First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Randomize
