i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
