i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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