The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
FUCK WHALES
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
