Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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