Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
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