The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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