I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize