you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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