I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Randomize
