I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
