Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Randomize