he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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