Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
