Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Randomize
