He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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