I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Randomize
