Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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