reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize