I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Randomize
