I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
