FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Randomize
