Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Just pee around me
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Randomize
