she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
