Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
i love accidental penises.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
vagina is talking i cant
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
