wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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