The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
