Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
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