Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
