last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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