I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
where are my eyebrows?
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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