Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
