He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
i want to swaddle you in tequila
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
