Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
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