Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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