FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
