She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize