Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
