Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
