so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize