2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
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