do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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