Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Randomize
