It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
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