you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
this will be a night to untag.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Randomize
