Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
