God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Randomize
