Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Randomize
