she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
