That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Randomize
