Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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