I was born with a shot glass in my hand
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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