Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
