I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
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