I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
