My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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