It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Randomize
