I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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