when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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