i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
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