it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
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