Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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