I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
