so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
