Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
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