I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize