Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
