I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
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