so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
