I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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