Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
