i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
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