I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
