i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
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