she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
