imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Randomize
