her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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