Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Randomize
