I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
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