He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Randomize
