I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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