How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
