I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Randomize
