The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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