also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
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