where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
