i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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