Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize