I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
accomplished twins. life is a go
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
