I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
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