Just fell off a train. Bad.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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