im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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