Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
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