Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize