ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
the condom got lost in my hair
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
