her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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